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you were my world

by colina

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1.
tangerines 03:01
tie me like an animal, i'll never be comfortable. pull the sheets over my knees and peel them off like tangerines but look at me when you spit the seeds. baby, maybe i'm lost. i was sure of myself. take me from the weak and alone. i want to be somebody else. put my head against your chest so i can count the seconds it takes for our pulses to match but don't let it get to me because this could my cemetery; what i'd give to never go back.
2.
his house 03:44
if you stand still and you listen my heartbeat has a rythm. if you don't want to know how much i miss him then just let go, because i'm broken. watch all these people find mirrors in anyone that will come near them but i can't seem to really follow because my heart belongs to him. i know i need time, i know it. i hope whoever she is, she sees beyond the way you speak. i hope she makes you feel whole and has you grabbing at the sheets. i hope i'm replaces by the whole vast sky as it takes in the bombs that go off in a town nearby and i hope that it reminds you of me and i how i destroyed everything. all i think about is his house and the way the words would come out of his mouth. all i think about is his house and the way the world felt with him around.
3.
i know there is light in you. i saw it one afternoon when we sat up on that hill and you said i made all things still. give me time, show me love is safe. give me time to forget your name and replace all the things you said that repeat endless through my head. i know, i know it hurts but to think i'd stick around is absurd. i'm a girl with all these dreams and if you gave me a match, you'd expect a flame. so, here's the fire that ends up again. and i hope the whole world gets covered in the ashes.
4.
i’ll take out the trash and i’ll never look back i’ll burn the backs of both my hands i’ll never look back, take out the trash and i’ll burn the backs of both my hands you’ll never know it hurt this bad when i’m alone fill the sink with blood and you’ll never know about my hands you’ll never know because you’ll never hold them again.
5.
stay instead 02:45
lay in bed and say that you’ll miss me and to stay instead and not let you go. i’ve lost my head to all that’s around me so, sink the anchor and tie the ropes. i’m standing in front of you and you don’t know what you’re about to lose. find it in you to run me the mile and call me up when you’ve found the strength because you don’t know what it’s like to live like this to have such shaking arms and legs and hating myself for waiting. i’m standing in front of you and you don’t know what you’re about to lose. so lay in bed and say that you’ll miss me and to stay instead and not let you go.
6.
manhattan 02:43
i’ll live these days with my head between my legs and my arms wrapped tightly around my thinning body because i loved you more than a single breath of song and i’m not quite sure where it is that we went so fucking wrong. forgiveness was a flip of a switch at the end of the hall. you never had the guts for it instead you projected the fault onto me and i ran from it all. you could never admit that i was better than this.
7.
your hands 03:37
we can leave it alone inside our heads. we’ve traveled these roads and we know where they’re headed. you should see my eyes when you say those things so late at night. and we become ghosts, people we don’t know. with scars that don’t show. but I live somewhere between 
your mouth and your heaving chest. it’s the only place 
I am happily worthless. it’s four in the morning, in the back of my car, it’s the first warning that i live somewhere between your mouth and your heaving chest the only place i feel happy worthless it’s where i rest my head and hope for the best. is it even worth it? why’d your hands shake when you told me that that there was nothing to say, that you weren’t holding back?
8.
california 02:36
it was fall before you ever knew it was love we had never known love like this and we didn't know how to go about it and not lose touch of our youth but i guess we had to. so, i can call and hear the sound of the wind from the city you live in breaking up this conversation. will you please just come home because you lied and said there was no one that night but i knew better because i held onto the warm weather of home in california.
9.
high waters 04:12
let us speak until our bodies become cold and weak with the winter i’ll stop running and i’ll stop crying about my brother it’s just that i try so hard not to be like him and give up in high waters i wonder if we’ll ever admit that two broken people cannot fix this i wonder if we’ll ever admit that two broken people is all this is i try so hard not to be like him and give up in high waters i don’t know why we build these lives without each other i did my part but you broke both our hearts because there were car rides, there were all-night calls…
10.
mother 02:50
you want to bring up such a good boy but you can’t stand around here anymore. so, you leave him to his own devices and who you’ll be is not going to like it. pressed against your beaten lips, you forget his name with every sip because you fucked him up with your surprises and gave him a whole brand new mindset. there’s no shame in wanting to die. it’s what you get when you leave what you love behind. if your heart could be pieced to parts, half is what is and half is what was, i’d sit in the middle of what fell apart and piece it back together until mine gave up. so, i’ll be the fill, the call home, the reason you never feel alone. i’ll be the moon at night and the sun will bleed right through me.
11.
my chest doesn’t rest i can’t breath a normal breath so i keep myself alone; i close all the windows and ignore the phone. i can’t sleep without you here whispering words into my ear because i felt alive when you were my night and your hands were pressed against my thighs. that broken part of your heart is the empty space in mine. i will write about you for the rest of my life. i will keep you alive in every line. i will keep you alive in every line. i will keep you alive in every line. i will keep you alive in every line.

credits

released October 17, 2014

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about

colina Carmel, California

all songs made
limited to:

a microkorg
+
a casiotone
+
a broken heart.

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